I Got Too Comfortable In My Relationship!

Relationships are one of the main goals in life people want to reach. Individuals are always looking for supportive partners for: friendships, intimate relationships, or networking. In relationships, life can get pretty complicated and it’s important to be aware of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Let’s jump right into my personal experience on how “I got too comfortable in my relationship”!

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The Good

Don’t we all go into relationships expecting the “good”. Well, personally, I had “good expectations” for myself. I wanted to be with someone I could have faith in, someone I could share my thoughts with, and someone who would encourage me/be apart of my strength in a sense. When I noticed a certain young man matched my “good” expectations, I was ready to start the relationship.

Relationship snippet #1:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 years, and our relationship is quite unique in regards to our foundation. We are both virgins and are dating with the purpose of marriage. When we started dating, we agreed that we’d both strive to keep Christ the center of our relationship.

During these 3 years, things grew fast. I would talk to him 24 hours a day if I could. Whenever I had an issue, he was the first person I would call. He became my main source of encouragement for future dreams, goals, and plans. Literally, people couldn’t talk to me without hearing me say his name in every other sentence….

The relationship sounds kind of good right? I formed a bond with someone who possessed most of my expectations. He became someone I could trust, my number one supporter; he was basically everything I thought I needed.

I see this happen often in relationships and friendship. We love a sister, brother, parent, cousin, or friend so much that evolves into an emotional “sole tie” to the individual. We as humans sometimes desire belonging or close human interaction which is why we seek these connections.

So how is the longing for emotional connection bad?

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The Bad

By no means am I saying that longing to have any type of relationship with an individual is bad. One thing I’ve learned is that supportive relationships are extremely important. However, in my relationship, I noticed a lot of wrong.

Relationship snippet #2:

…So, like I said, my  boyfriend and I were literally connected at the hip. Whenever we weren’t physically together, we were on the phone until we fell asleep (I still struggle with this yall lol). After so many years of this behavior, I felt a shift in other aspects of my life.

The greatest portion that shifted was my spiritual lifestyle. I noticed that I stopped running to God when I had a problem. I realized whenever I was excited about a blessing, I immediately ran to my boyfriend instead of meditating/honoring on who [God] blessed me.

Now, before you yell at me, I am not saying celebrating accomplishments with your close loved ones is bad. Personally, I learned that I started lacking focus in something that was really important to me which is my spiritual journey.

Basically, I stopped my relationship with an original friend because I got a new friend [a metaphor that relates]. I lost focus on something that was really important to me because I got so comfortable in something new. Personally speaking, just because my boyfriend was in my life, didn’t mean I had to stop nurturing my relationship with Christ.

The Ugly Revelation

If you haven’t understood anything that I’ve said thus far, here’s my personal discovery: I got too comfortable in a relationship that I allowed to become somewhat of an idol. Now for you, your relationship with your friends, or family, boyfriend/girlfriend may not be on my level of obsession as my own lol. My point is: it’s important that we don’t allow relationships to make us lose focus on our pre-meditated/personal plans or goals. Let your relationship be an addition to your life, not the answer to the equation.

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The Cure

How can we fix this?

  1. Reevaluate your purpose: Understand who you are and what you’re trying to accomplish in life.
  2. Talk to the individual you’re in a relationship with about your main goal and see how they’d like to be an addition: Informing your friend(s) about your goals will allow you to receive help in focusing.
  3. Make a schedule: Plan your days so that you’re giving time to your important task and leaving some time for your relationship.

Relationship snippet #3:

I’m still working on being too comfortable in my relationship. I desire to have a strong relationship with Christ, so I can’t replace my spiritual relationship with my boyfriend. Thankfully, I have someone in my life who desires to be an addition to my purpose in life. All in all,  no one is perfect, and I’m a work in progress.

Don’t forget! It’s Life, That’s it ❤

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When I went to visit Lee [my boyfriend] during winter break 2015, I had an amazing time!

 

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