“I AM JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH!”
Have you ever had this mindset?
(You don’t have to raise your hand unless you want to lol.)
I want to admit that I, Tiffany, have thought this a couple of times. Actually, maybe more than a couple. Let’s say occasionally. I think many people struggle with this insecurity thing right? Well, if you’re that one person who has always believed in yourself and knew you were “on fleek” (meaning: perfect) 24/7, still keep reading because this could help you understand a different perspective.
Unlike the “on fleek” crew, I’ve had my share of insecurities and doubts mainly dealing with my appearance and my abilities. I’m a 5’8”, skinny girl who wears glasses and recently had braces removed. (Talk about looking nerdy!) Also, I loved sports and fine arts in high school, but compared to others, I was not good! So, I was insecure in the way I looked and I did not feel like I was good in my talents. But why?
Why do we go through moments of doubt and insecurity?
From a social perspective, I’ve noticed that sometimes people find fulfillment in gossiping/snickering about others. That’s pretty sad right? Honestly, some people would rather break your self-esteem down to build their self-esteem up by discouraging you from fulfilling a task, or saying things like: “You can’t wear that because it doesn’t look good on you.” Often these behaviors are learned through observation and experiences.
Where does this feeling come from?
Even though there may be insulting remarks stated about us, why do we give in to it? Because, we are stuck in the “Comparison Trap” (What this sermon by Andy Stanley on yourmove.is). We compare ourselves to each other in order to reassure ourselves that we either measure up, or surpassed another woman. Women wake up, and get dressed for the purpose of being the “center of attention” in a room of both genders. We secretly think: “My outfit looks way better than hers.”, or “Is my hair and makeup done correctly like hers?” or “Can I hit a higher note than her?” If a person disagrees with an outfit or task we’ve attempted , we lose confidence in ourselves and result to the feeling of failure all because we are trying to measure up to another person’s reality or standard.
Society suggests a specific standard on how females should look. People in the media display a standard on how things should be done. In my childhood, I was bullied. Boys and girls who bullied me for wearing glasses were merely comparing me to the idea of standard 20/20 vision, and the girls who giggled at the way I danced or sang were just mirroring the judges on television shows like America’s Got Talent. This idea that “one can’t do something unless she/he is perfect” is destroying self-esteems. But, where does the eye of perfection lie?
How do we deal with it?
Understand that perfection of oneself should not lie in the hands of another. Be grateful in the gifts and looks you’ve been blessed with, and flaunt because only you can be the best you.
So, we’ve made it to the point where we understand why we have insecurities and where it comes from. Now, how in the world can we change our insecure mindset
- Whenever doubt arises in your thoughts immediately give yourself a pep talk. It’s important to focus on your positive attributes, so either say positive phrases aloud to yourself or write them down where you’d constantly see them.
- “I am beautiful”, “I am constantly growing and progressing”, “My hair is on fleek today and my edges are laid!” (lol), or “I am wonderfully made” [Psalm 139:14]
- Remember, everyone is different. (Something my professor always taught me.) Your abilities and appearance are what makes you unique. Trying to be like others will only cast a shadow on your true identity. Own who you are!
- At the end of the day, Who Cares!? Don’t worry about what “negative Nancy” says. If you like wearing makeup every day, or you enjoy basketball instead of shopping, then that’s AWESOME! You are living your life. It’s best to enjoy who you are!
- Pray about it. Now praying may not be your thing. So, translate this into quiet time or meditation. As for me, I cast my worries and burdens on God. Prayer and quiet time will help ease the stress of doubt and feelings of insecurities.
- “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you” [Psalm 55:22] or “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” [1 Peter 5:7]
You made it to the end! Thanks so much for reading. Hope you’ve been enlighten on Life, That’s It.
Until next time …